MANNERS AND OTHER MATTERS

Mother and son... The Australian newspaper this morning ran a front page article about the Generation Y who are still residing at home.  It was complemented by an excellent article written by the demographer, Bernard Salt. We parents of KIPPERS (Kids in Parent’s Pockets Eroding Retirement Savings) are allowing this new phenomenon which, according to Salt ,“is one of the most powerful social forces to have shaped modern Australian households…” He is suggesting that it is not only the cost of housing which is the driving force, but the fact that many of us do not mind our children’s partners “staying over”.  In the late 1970’s when I left school, my friends and I also left home…to University college or to shared flats with friends, or overseas for a gap year which was spent well away from the prying eyes of our parents. It was a right of passage to get our driver’s licence at 17 and move out at 18 when we could legally vote…and drink alcohol in public p...

Forget standing when women enter the room or calling all men “sir”. Modern western society would suggest that is behaviour from a forgotten time.  But what are the modern manners every child should have? When I was thinking about this post I returned to the memory of my father answering the telephone…the sort which was attached to a  wall and was shared among all members of the family. “Is Louise there?” would ask the tentative teenage male voice.  “Yes” was the response of my father as he put the telephone handset back into its cradle. Oh, the humiliation!  Whoever  the new “boyfriend” of the moment was, he had not asked the correct, and polite by my father’s standards, question: “Good evening…may I speak with Louise please”.   Then the answer would have been, perhaps:  “No, we are in the middle of dinner.  Why don’t you call back in half an hour”.  And then I would have to suffer through another half hour of polite family...

Forget standing when women enter the room or calling all men ‘sir’- that’s behaviour from a forgotten time.  But what are the modern manners every child should have? The past century, particularly since WWII, has seen Western society move away from the highly stratified and rule-ridden days of the past.  Rules of etiquette which previously defined social status were largely abandoned and are now often regarded as unnecessary, old-fashioned or even snobbish.  We have increasingly embraced the notion of the free-thinking individual, unfettered by rules.  We emphasise the importance of good self-esteem and encourage children to express themselves freely.  We try to be open-minded and non-judgemental about different cultures and backgrounds. We mostly live in crowded urban environments.  Adults push in front of you to get on the bus, shout loudly into their mobile phones and act like it is a sign of weakness to let you into merging traffic. In g...

The Chicks visiting the Nest It’s almost holiday time and families are accommodating children returning home to the “family nest” for Easter. But for many families, the older children are not actually leaving the nest, but remaining well into their twenties.  And the family manners code of behaviour has had to be reworked. I read an interesting article in The New York Times the other day which commented on a book by Katherine S. Newman, a sociologist and dean at John Hopkins University “The Accordion Family”(Beacon Press) which examines how the tough economic climate globally has limited the job prospects of many young adults and forced them to move back in with their parents.  The author found that a higher proportion of adult children now live with their parents than at any other time since the 1950s. And in my personal experience, the young adults in their 20s are remaining at university for longer, taking extra graduate degrees and so remaining at home...

I have recently had some interesting experiences relating to generational differences with regard to manners;  the way the young see the elderly and their more “traditional” manners, and the way the elderly see the youth of today with their “lack of manners and respect”. It all began a few weeks ago, while I was taking a quiet walk along a nearby street with my dogs.  An older gentleman  (I think he would have been late 70s)went past me on a bike, and then stopped suddenly to look at a new “McMansion” being built on the other side of the road.  I acknowledged him with a smile and a “good morning”, and he said: “I grew up in the house that used to be there”.  I remembered the previous house as being quite elegant,  on a large block, filled with beautiful trees. He said: “I lived there for the whole of my childhood”...and then commenced to tell me about the suburb in those days and what he remembered of the area at that time. Fathers and daughters (ph...

I have my 24 year old son staying with me at the moment. He has lived away for 6 years and to have him back to share the morning coffee and to leave a meal for him for when he gets home from work late is an absolute pleasure. This sojourn will only be for another week, and I will miss him when he goes.   Like so many parents these days, we seem to have our children in their mid-20's returning to the nest, a situation which never happened in my day.  Parents then often downsized as soon as the darlings left, as much as anything as a disincentive for those same darlings to return.  It's amazing how sharing a glass of wine with my son as we discuss our respective days so easily puts us in the category of "friends"...of course I reserve the right to maintain my "mother status" but this nice, easy rapport is very comforting.  After years of very normal teenage/parent altercations, to be able to pay genuine compliments about his manners, appearance and great c...

I am leaving in a couple of weeks for the UK and Europe – a family wedding in Kent after two days of retail therapy in London and divine indulgence at Grosvenor House - and then two delightful weeks with my Prince in Europe. And after I gave  a recent radio interview with the ABC about aircraft etiquette I thought I would again go through my Ten Golden Don’ts for travelling in an unnatural state through air and time...particularly in economy class. 1. Do not take over your neighbour’s personal space ...the armrest is a necessary boundary. 2. Do not interrupt the in-flight movie ...it’s bad enough that the pilot chats through it, yet alone an unknown flight neighbour. 3. Do not take an overhead luggage compartment that is not above your own seat ...and if you cannot lift your own bag up, it’s too heavy anyway...don’t ask someone else to do it. 4. Do not hide your active Iphone from the flight staff ...you will one day get caught and be in lots of trouble. 5. Do not get...

I have just finished an evening with great friends for dinner.  I love cooking French-style  food here in Australia and the opportunity to get wild fresh  French asparagus (@$99 a kilo!) and wild French  mixed mushrooms (@$159 a kilo!) was a really good reason to put it all together with  a chicken and a lovely recipe from the Jura region.  My friends were those who really know my cooking and enjoy sitting around my table.  My ex husband and father of my children, my 24 year old son (who provided wonderful French wines to complement the meal) and my dear friend Chrissie, who has lived around the world and is very tolerant....as she needed to be tonight! Contrary to all the rules of polite conversation we discussed religion, sex and politics - sometimes at an interesting level of intensity between the ex and me!  But how nice it is, after a night of pleasant food, wine and stimulating conversation to be able to farewell my guests with a warm ki...

An article recently in The West Australian newspaper “Schools step in to teach social skills” is a pertinent reminder that the teaching of manners, while supported and encouraged by schools, should begin in the home. Having a knowledge of what to do, and when to do it, is a great confidence builder for children and young adults. The saying “children should be seen and not heard” still resonates in the memory of many of us but to the children of the 21st century the expression has no relevance. Children today are encouraged to be forthright and confident in their attitude and often the concepts of “manners” and “respect for your elders” are ignored. I feel that from their very earliest years our children should be taught to respect their elders. They should be encouraged to stand up when an adult enters a room and they should make confident eye contact when they are introduced. So often, if sprawled out in front of the TV, or caught up in a computer game, a quick glance over the...