MANNERS AND OTHER MATTERS

The floral memorial in Martin Place, Sydney (photo news.au) This time last week most Australians were riveted to the live streaming of the hostage situation in the Lindt Cafe in Sydney's Martin Place;  tragically the outcome was the deaths of two of the hostages. The situation was made particularly poignant for me because my daughter  knew the husband of one of the hostages and had spoken to him as he raced to the cafe where he knew his wife regularly enjoyed her morning coffee with colleagues after hearing of the hostage situation.  Australia has reacted to this crisis in a spirit of "mateship" and mutual support.  As the floral memorial has continued to grow at the scene politicians, local Sydneysiders, visitors from other States and from other countries, children and the elderly have made a pilgrimage into the centre of the city which, despite the tragedy, is filled with preparations for Christmas and the other religious occasions which occur at ...

Ruby guarding the Christmas tree My phone has been ringing with people wanting to know how to handle the difficulties that arise during occasions such as Christmas with “blended” families. The old adage that you can choose your friends but not your family is often relevant at Christmas, and particularly with families which have divorced and perhaps remarried partners. Unfortunately there are very few happy melded families like “The Brady Bunch”...at least initially. If having good manners is about behaving well around other people and treating each other with respect, then at times of probable stress and possibly strife, the need to be even more cautious with words and actions is really important. My children’s father and I have been divorced for many years. But over the years we have developed strategies to make our shared Christmases with our children and our new partners as pleasant as possible. We have always attended Christmas church services together, and afterwards ha...

Direction Island, Cocos (Keeling) Islands (photo the author) I received this email yesterday It is self explanatory, and to me shows the true spirit of Christmas,  kind communication and consideration...Merry Christmas to you all.... "Good morning Louise,   I met you in the early 2000’s on West Island, (Cocos (Keeling) Islands) at your father’s home.   I heard you on the radio yesterday talking about Christmas cards. My wife (Michelle) and I are still traditionalists in this regard and together managed about 60 this year – although my contribution was a fraction of this. I was on my way to collect rocks for a stone wall I’m building on our property when you came on the radio .I changed out of my work clothes into some more appropriate attire I had put in the car that morning and  it just so happened that I had put a Cocos Island North Park t-shirt which I haven’t worn for years – so my rock collecting outing turned into a trip down memory lane....

Christmas Tree for 2011 (photo the author) Recently I read an interesting article quoting a  psychology professor at the University of California, Riverside (Sonja Lyubomirsky).  It stated that "Academics have long theorised that expressions of thanks promote health and happiness and give optimism and energy.  Now, the study of gratitude has become a surprisingly burgeoning field and research indicates being thankful might help people feel better.  However, there is a catch:  you have to say thanks more than once a year..." After a week in which I encountered rude airline passengers and staff I thought about this concept.  Why is it that people having the opportunity  to "fly", which was so seldom offered to people 30 years ago, and even then when it was it was a "luxury", believe it is appropriate to be rude to each other?  How lucky are they compared to those for whom travel is merely a dream? So many of us will be trave...

I recently received the following request for information from a woman who has settled in Australia from Asia. It particularly interested me as it was as much about cultural differences as it was about modern manners. “I have question in my head about etiquette that bothering my mind. This is about birthdays. Would you please be able to help me? 1. A member of our Board of Directors who is also the founder of our company and father of our CEO has birthday on 24th Dec. What is the proper business etiquette, do we send flowers to him or hamper on his birthday? We did not do anything on the last time but I would like to correct this in the future. My husband said that in Western society, birthday are usually only for relatives. So, I would appreciate any explanation or suggestion from you. 2. Secondly my CEO’s birthday will be this Saturday, would it be appropriate to send text to him on Saturday? I don’t really want to give wrong impression. 3. On Christmas day or New Year’s Ev...

Villard Sur Chamby, Switzerland  As the Christmas season approaches I have been thinking about the fabulous tradition of Christmas cards. I remember as a child racing to beat my sister to the mailbox to collect the dozens of cards which arrived each week from the beginning of December. We would hang the cards on string around the lounge room, making space for the artificial Christmas tree which was such a symbol of the 60s Now in the 21st century, where our concentration is very much on the environment, the silver tree has long been buried in land fill and replaced with a “real” one. And the numbers of Christmas cards received has slowed to a trickle. Is this demise of the Christmas card tradition only because of the environmentally conscious among us who are concerned about the destruction of forests? Or is it because many of us are so “busy” that we don’t have the time to sit down and handwrite a quick greeting to friends and family, near and far? Email particularly has en...

The welcoming wreath for this year I have been approaching the Christmas season this year with mixed emotions.  I am still suffering the grief of a recent personal loss. But today the true meaning of Christmas occurred to me while I was decorating the Christmas tree to welcome my daughter and her partner here this weekend for an early Christmas celebration. New Christmas decorations for the tree from my visit to Samoa May 2011 I cast my mind back a few years to when I used to deliver Meals on Wheels to the elderly in my neighbourhood; the service of hot, daily meals allowed these people to live relatively independent lives in their homes.  One of my favourite women was named Joan.  She was a woman of over 80 years, very lined in her face, rarely changing from her nightclothes, despite the most fervent efforts of her visiting daily nurse . She appeared to be distrustful and cynical in her attitude towards other people. She lived in her family’s home, in the little annex b...

My Christmas Table My phone has been ringing with people wanting to know how to handle the difficulties that arise during occasions such as Christmas with “blended” families. The old adage that you can choose your friends but not your family is often relevant at Christmas, and particularly with families which have divorced and perhaps remarried partners. Unfortunately there are very few happy melded families like “The Brady Bunch”...at least initially. If having good manners is about behaving well around other people and treating each other with respect, then at times of probable stress and possibly strife, the need to be even more cautious with words and actions is really important. My children’s father and I have been divorced for many years. But over the years we have developed strategies to make our shared Christmases with our children and our new partners as pleasant as possible. We have always attended Christmas church services together, and afterwards had a glass of champa...

It’s that time of year again when the office Christmas parties start and my phone runs hot with enquiries about what should, and shouldn’t be the behaviour, and then after the parties, how to apologise for disasters which have occurred. Having recently given interviews to the The West Australian newspaper and Radio 6PR regarding Christmas party etiquette I was reminded of some of the hilarious instances I have heard about over the years. Invariably, of course, the main culprit is an over enthusiasm with the free alcohol on offer. The story of the meek and mild secretary who , after a few cocktails, turned into a candidate for Playboy; and the quiet, IT geek, who after way too many beers tried to chat up the office vamp and when successful had no idea how to take the “opportunity” further. Both of these situations I learnt about when the protagonists involved rang me to find out whether it was necessary, and then how, to apologise for their out of character behaviour. ...